Honouring loved ones who have passed

Weddings are all about family. When families gather together, the absence of those who are missing can be keenly felt – especially if a family member has recently passed away. You can take some action that honours a missing family member privately, or recognize them in a more public fashion.

With words

Wedding ceremony text is very flexible. Your officiant can add a few lines, a poem, or a prayer about remembering the person or persons who are being missed. There can be a moment of silence if you like. 

Here are a few examples:

May we always remember (names and relationship to the couple -- eg. Mona, grandmother of Julie). Even though they are not here physically, they are a part of the foundation that makes (Spouse #1) and/or (Spouse #2) the people/person they are today. We will cherish their memories during this time of joy and celebration.

At this time, we’d like to take a moment to remember those who are not here with us today, those who could not be here and those who have passed on. In particular we remember (names and relationship to couple). We know that they are here with us in spirit.

With a candle lighting

Someone can light a candle at the beginning of the service in memory of the person or persons who have passed. With the light shining throughout the ceremony, the loved one will be present in everyone’s mind. This works best for indoor ceremonies as you don’t want to risk the wind blowing out the flame.

Sample language:

At this time the couple wish to honor their grandparents who have passed away.  (Spouse #1) and (Spouse #2) have their grandparents with them in their hearts and know they are here in spirit. (Spouse #1) and (Spouse #2) will now light a candle which will represent the presence of their grandparents during our ceremony today.

Love has gathered us here today to witness the marriage of (Spouse #1) and (Spouse #2). Had (name and relationship of deceased) been alive today, they would have been incredibly proud to be celebrating this marriage with us. Still we feel their presence with us, as they surround us with their spirit and shower us with their love. It is in their memory that we now light this candle. 

With a reserved seat

Keep a seat near the front reserved and lay a flower there at the beginning of the ceremony. You can also place a photo of the person on the chair or use some other memento, such as hanging their jacket or hat on the back of the seat.

With music

If there is a song that reminds you of the person, you could play it during the signing of the licence, or even as you walk down the aisle. Music is associated strongly with memories.

With photos

A photo and/or some words of tribute can be added to the wedding program. A photo display can also be set up at the entrance to the ceremony location. One great option is to use old wedding photos of parents and grandparents — it recognizes your heritage, whether all those family members are still with you or not.

With some other action

Couples are encouraged to think of other ways to remember their loved one. If the person was of Scottish heritage, there could be some touches of tartan (ties, pocket handkerchiefs, ribbon on a bouquet/boutonniere) as a visual cue. A grandmother’s favourite flower could make up the bouquet. A groom could wear his departed father’s cufflinks or ring.

Honouring loved ones who can’t be with you on your wedding day is respectful and can be done with a delightful and light touch. It needn’t bring the mood down. A wedding is a major memory-making occasion and it’s a wonderful gesture to pay homage to people and memories from the past.